I have had so many people ask me what they can do for someone who has lost a child. It's a helpless feeling, knowing there’s no replacement for what’s been lost. But small, simple gestures truly mean so much. I've thought a lot about this topic, because we're all so different and it's impossible to … Continue reading SIMPLE GESTURES
WHEN YOU BECOME AWARE – AMANDA KAY SMITH
I told my Mom I was preparing to write a guest post on a blog, and that I didn't know where to start. She responded with "Do you want some inspiration?" She then sent me the following. These are thoughts from a "loss" Grandma. She wrote this to help remove the taboo from stillbirth. She … Continue reading WHEN YOU BECOME AWARE – AMANDA KAY SMITH
Sometimes
Sometimes when I’m just having a normal day, the thought comes up to look at Cooper’s pictures. Usually, I’ll try to suppress that thought and ignore it, but guilt kicks in and most of the time the urge to see her wins. I can look at her pictures and smile, but sometimes when I see … Continue reading Sometimes
Talking to Cooper
I walked out to my car to grab something and noticed my new neighbor was outside checking his mail. We strike up our first conversation and introduce ourselves. He says, “It’s just us two in the house.” And I replied with, “Same here, just my husband and me and 3 dogs. We had a daughter, … Continue reading Talking to Cooper
Our Nurses
To Rachel: We had met before, she was our nurse the first time we came to L&D triage for decreased movement back in December. Cooper was fine, I was just paranoid back then, but Rachel made me feel so relaxed. She’s the nurse who desperately looked for Cooper’s heartbeat when we came into triage for … Continue reading Our Nurses
Rollercoaster
“Ok wow, I’ve had a few very great, very “normal” feeling days. What the fuck is happening? Am I healing? Am I losing it? I’m supposed to be miserable all day every day. I’m supposed to not want to be around people, not want to see children or hear babies crying. I mean that’s how … Continue reading Rollercoaster
Two Months Later
Two months is crying the whole 32 miles to work and calling your husband to check on him, only to find out that he cried the whole way too. It’s leaving work early because you can’t stand to be around everyone and pretend you’re ok. It’s driving to the doctors' office to pick up printouts … Continue reading Two Months Later
Birkenstocks
On the way home from my sister's wedding, in late May of 2017, my husband and I passed a massive billboard for a large shoe store. We were driving through our hometown and started talking about the brands listed in the ad. I told him I had always wanted a pair of Birkenstock sandals to wear … Continue reading Birkenstocks
Due Date
I plugged my information into the pregnancy app on July 27, 2017, and today is the date it gave us. Today was supposed to be the day we would meet Cooper. I know usually due dates don’t stick, but this is the date you anticipate for the entire pregnancy. Throughout pregnancy you think, just 36, … Continue reading Due Date
Begin
This blog was created for the purpose of discussing my daughter, Cooper Kay, her death and all of the feelings associated with that. This will be real, raw, unfiltered. I do not plan on shying away from the hard topics or stories since the pain is coupled with the love I have for Cooper. When … Continue reading Begin
Longing for Cooper 